Clueless
by Hazuki Goldair
Summary: Determined to bring the dense duo together, Mirajane and her "super elite team" go where no nakama has gone before…in the broom closet.


In the kingdom of Fiore, there is a certain guild in the city of Magnolia, famous for its mages and their infamous destruction. And in the headquarters of this guild, there is a particular storage closet which housed cleaning supplies, extra bottles of various alcohols, a multitude of feather boas and the occasional tutu. It was generally overlooked by the mages of Fairy Tail, except for the genial barmaid who did her best to keep order in the guild—and the unlucky persons coerced into the clean-up crew when she failed. Today was an exception.

"Stop shoving me."

"Get your inebriated elbow out of my face!"

"Sorry, Gray-san, that's my elbow."

"Juvia cannot find Gray-sama in this darkness."

"Has anyone found the light switch?"

"Only a real man can handle the dark without fear!"

"Who asked you, you fu—"

"Gajeel-san! Watch your language, please."

"Where's the strawberry cake?"

"Erza-san, I don't think there's any cake in this closet."

"I said to stop shoving me."

"Stop shoving _me_, you alcoholic bum!"

"Gray-sama! Juvia is scared of the dark!"

"Get off me you freaky water woman. Your precious stripper is over there!"

"I want. My cake."

"Here's the light switch!" Mirajane chirped. "Oh my!"

Wendy, cornered by a cross-eyed Erza, attempted to escape the angry requip mage's sword, but was thwarted by Elfman and Lisanna blocking the only exit. Juvia was tightly embracing Gajeel's arm while Levy laughed at the annoyed expression on the latter's face. Cana had Gray in a headlock and kept shouting, "Who's your mommy!"

"Fools," muttered Charle as she freely floated above the chaos.

"What is the meaning of this, Mirajane?" Erza demanded. Realizing she was frightening the oxygen out of the young sky dragon slayer, the requip mage turned her wrath (and sword) on the beaming barmaid. "I was told there would be cake, but all I see are these absurd feather boas." Emphasizing her point, the mage lifted a sparkly red boa entwined with jangly blue beads with her sword.

"Don't look at me," Gray muttered, head twisted at a painful angle from Cana's hold. Despite his discomfort, he was still amazed at the card mage's strength, even in the advanced stages of intoxication.

"I just followed Gray-sama," Juvia tittered, dropping the iron dragon slayer's arm like it was hot.

"I don't know why I'm here. Bookworm dragged me before I could say 'f—"

"Language, Gajeel," the blue-haired girl cautioned. He narrowed his eyes hearing the ice mage whisper something about being whipped.

"Mira-nee-chan, I know you said you need Elf-nii-chan's and my help, but with what exactly?" Lisanna asked, ignoring her brother's thunderous proclamation that "a real man only helps himself".

"Everyone!" Mirajane turned starry-eyed as they waited for her to spill the juju beans. Fairy Tail wasn't a guild known for its patience, considering the havoc it created on a daily basis. "I've called you here today to form a super elite team."

Wendy's face scrunched in confusion. "Like Fairy Tail's strongest team?"

"Elite! What a fun word. Eh-_hic_-leet," Cana giggled. "I'm elite…you're _hic_ elite…"

"Strongest team, my a—_would you stop hitting me?_ Strong isn't how I'd describe most of you, but especially her," Gajeel sneered, pointing at the drunken woman who was finding new ways to enunciate the word 'elite'.

"I beg to differ," Gray choked out, still locked in the card mage's grasp.

"Fools," the white Exceed repeated.

"You wanna go fur ball?" the ice mage challenged.

"Gray-san! Please don't pick on Charle."

"A man picks his fights with someone his own size."

"I. Want. My. Cake."

"Gray-sama!"

A roar of threats, pleas, and name-calling filled the tiny space. Once known as the Demon, Mirajane was as docile as a sleeping bear when provoked. With a strained smile, she said, "Pipe down or get a beat down!" No one wanted to test the ex-mage's patience to see if she'd follow through with her threat. Once she had their undivided attention, Mirajane's voice turned back into sweet-as-honey-apple-cider-pie, "This team has a very special mission."

"Sh-peh-shul! _Hic_. That's a fun word too!"

Levy gazed at the barmaid knowingly. "Are we doing it?" Gajeel winced at the excitement in the script mage's voice—and at the image his mind procured due to prolonged exposure in the gutter. "Are we going to set them up?"

Lisanna's eyes widened in understanding, "You mean…"

"It's about time they started dating," Mirajane said. "All they need is a step in the right direction."

"After all, it's a step in the right direction," Cana began to sing in a drunken stupor. "It's a step in the right direction, after all."

"Who invited _her_?" Gray asked Erza, assuming it was safer with a sober—albeit insane—sword woman over Gildart's smashed daughter. The red-headed woman shrugged as the card mage wrapped a multicolored feather boa around her neck and began to dance with a mop.

"Now listen up," Mirajane announced, ignoring the range of emotions from boredom to excitement on the faces of her newest minions. "Here's what we're going to do…"

—oOo—

"Natsu, do you get the feeling we're being watched?"

"C'mon Luce, you worry too much."

"I don't worry enough. If I did, I wouldn't agree to go on half of the inane missions you choose from the job board."

"But the other half are perfectly fine?" The fire mage grinned.

Playfully smacking his arm, Lucy went back to surveying their surroundings, unable to shake the feeling of being watched. "Where's everybody else? Cana said they'd be waiting for us here."

"Who cares?" Natsu asked nonchalantly. "We get this whole basket of food to ourselves!" He dove into the wicker basket, spreading out its goodies onto the suspiciously convenient and unoccupied picnic blanket. The celestial spirit mage smelled something fishy—and it wasn't the tuna sandwich Natsu thrust in her face. "Ish da-lishous!" He managed to say while chewing his own enflamed version.

Not the most attractive feature in a man, Lucy noted as she watched bits of mayonnaise-covered fish and relish fly out of his mouth, accompanied by a steady stream of smoke.

Lucy warily sat at the opposite corner of the blanket—far from the spewing zone as possible—without staining her white skirt on the wet grass. Ignoring the proffered tuna sandwich, Lucy chose an apple that lay near her.

After weeks of nail-biting "will there be enough jewels for rent after damage expenses?" missions, the celestial spirit mage allowed herself to relax. The deserted park was peaceful (despite Lucy's intuition they were being watched) as the two dined on the gourmet picnic food. The busty blonde lay down on the blanket to watch the drifting clouds, nibbling on her apple.

She would have dozed off if it weren't for the obnoxious way her partner scarfed down his blazing meal. Lucy regretted buying that 125-pack of lighters for his birthday. The celestial spirit mage remembered how she had given it to him saying that since he couldn't eat his own fire—and it was always a hassle to find fire food—he could use a plastic neon lighter to set his food aflame. She had felt like the smartest person in the world after Natsu sang her praises for a week.

Unfortunately, he'd become obsessed with the things. Lucy recalled one night Natsu had four too many fire whiskeys, and used at least thirty-three of the little lighters to make fire sculptures of several guild members. The blonde mage shuddered at the memory of his perverse laugh before he ate each one. "Oh Luce! Watch this!"

"What is it—" Lucy bit back a squeal as a flaming tornado of lemonade—_seriously_, how could he even set lemonade on _fire?_—shot over her head, spiraling up and out. Lucy squeaked as the lemonade soaked through her pale green blouse after the drops of liquid lost momentum. "Natsu…" she growled before she chucked her half eaten apple at the fire mage.

"Whoa!" Natsu yelped. "Watch where you're aiming—" He was interrupted by a face full of potato salad. Licking his lips, he said, "If that's how you wanna play…" Grabbing a container of Jell-O, he threw the small red squares at the blonde, laughing when some of them landed inside her shirt.

"Oh that's it, Dragneel." Lucy fumed, brown eyes narrowed in anger. The young man didn't stop laughing until after he began to choke on the potato salad.

An epic food battle ensued, leaving both covered from head to toe in sandwich filling and deli meat. Bits of frosted cake (_Erza_ _would kill me if she found out_, Lucy thought after rubbing it in Natsu's hair), spaghetti with a very spicy meat sauce and vegetable dip decorated the picnic blanket. A blueberry pie, several deviled eggs, and the smashed remains of Lucy's favorite chocolate covered strawberries were hardly recognized on their food-stained clothing. The only thing that remained was the thermos of lemonade by Natsu's feet, which he quickly grabbed when they both ran out of ammo.

"Natsu," Lucy warned, "don't even think about—" He threw the contents of the thermos toward her, ignoring the deathly aura radiating from the blonde. The celestial spirit mage was shell-shocked as the liquid seeped through her white skirt. Lucy covered up the blush she felt from Natsu staring at the banana pattern of her panties by removing her fleuve d'étoiles.

Afterwards, Natsu would vehemently deny laughing at Lucy about her nutty taste in fruity apparel.

—oOo—

"That didn't work as well as I thought it would."

Gajeel scoffed at the blue-haired female. "What did you expect from Salamander?"

"I'm surprised Lucy didn't castrate him," Gray sniggered.

"That's why Lucy has me," a slightly sloshed Cana pointed out. "To castrate the men who have violated her."

"What does castrate mean?" Wendy asked, noticing how the men in their super-elite "Get-Natsu-and-Lucy-Together" team looked a little green.

A malicious grin grew on the card mage's face. "Cutting off a guy's—" Lisanna put her hand to the drunken woman's mouth.

"Something that you're too young to know about," Charle explained.

"So the picnic didn't work," Erza said, bringing everyone back to the topic at hand. "Neither did the romantic candlelight dinner."

"It might have had something to do with Elfman staring at them the entire time," Gray snorted, "and murmuring 'manly advice' into Natsu's ear every five minutes."

"Juvia agrees with Gray-sama!"

"Natsu-san needs as much advice as he can get," Elfman disagreed loudly.

"It probably didn't help that spaghetti and Natsu don't mix," Lisanna pointed out.

"I would have punched him in his spaghetti filled nose too if I had been in Lucy's position," Erza nodded sagely.

Mirajane cleared her throat. "Perhaps we should invest in a few ideas that would cater to Natsu-san's…naïveté."

"Like a brawl?" Gajeel asked in an _I_'_m-so-much-better-than-this_ voice.

"Or a _really_ big bonfire," the ice mage jeered. "He'd be as happy as a clam fried to a blackened crisp."

"Juvia agrees with Gray-sama!" the water mage reasserted.

"How about a beach outing?" Wendy suggested.

Cana nodded her approval. "Lucy can properly display her assets."

"A beach party?" Erza mused. "So long as there is cake, I approve."

"How romantic! A moonlit walk on the sandy shore as the ocean waves crash against their feet…" Levy sighed, passing a glance at the iron dragon slayer beside her.

"Well, we could build a big bonfire for a beach party," Gray added begrudgingly, upset that his idea held merit. Anything to help the flame brain was an insult to the ice mage.

"Juvia agrees with Gray-sama even more!"

"I can help Lucy find the perfect outfit," Lisanna volunteered, smiling when the sky dragon slayer offered to help too.

"Why do I have a bad feeling about this?" muttered Charle, a bit annoyed when everyone ignored her.

"Then it's settled," Mirajane beamed. "Operation Fairy Tail Beach Party is a go."

—oOo—

"I don't care what anyone says, human legs do _not_ snap that way."

"Aye sir!"

"What do you know, you stupid cat?" Lucy seethed.

"I know that fish are best eaten raw!"

Natsu shushed the blonde and the blue Exceed, eyes glued to the projector screen. "This is my favorite part!" Lucy rolled her eyes as she watched the rugged movie star rescue the beautiful heroine. Meanwhile, her best friend laughed as a building collapsed from the blazing inferno.

"What's so funny?" the celestial spirit mage asked.

"There's no way the entire building would be engulfed in flames from a tiny little explosion," Natsu snorted. "It's so unbelievable that it's hilarious. Fire spreads quickly, but not _that_ quickly."

Lucy rolled her eyes. "What about the changing rooms at the beach last week? The bonfire Gray built next to it—which in retrospect was one of the dumbest ideas he's ever had—spread pretty fast."

"No one said that was a normal fire." The dragon slayer smirked. "Nor that it couldn't have been tampered with."

"You jerk!" Lucy boxed his ears. "I was changing into my new swimsuit when the walls turned to ash! I believed you when you said the winds were too gusty."

"Ow!" The fire mage rubbed his abused ears. "Who said I did the tampering? It wasn't my fault that Wendy sneezed when I tickled her nose with one of Happy's feathers."

"Why you—"

"Oh, look, it's your favorite part," Natsu said, returning his attention to the movie—where the muscular hero was lip-locked with the busty brunette.

"That's so gross," Lucy grimaced.

"But that's what happens in all those books you like to read that make you sigh all the time," the fire dragon slayer pointed out.

"I do not!" she protested weakly. "Those are romantic. This," she pointed offhandedly at the screen, "is uncouth. It's like he's eating her face off."

"He lllllikes her!" Happy guessed.

"I can't imagine her face would taste very good," Natsu said.

"Not as good as a nice tasty fish," the flying cat agreed.

"Or a warm, spicy fire." Natsu licked his lips. "Oi, Luce. Do y'think those lighters come in different flavors?"

The blonde ignored him. She was wondering why it was taking Levy so long in the bathroom. And Erza in the kitchen. Lucy was positive she heard a snore from her bed a few minutes ago—most likely Cana in a drunken coma.

It was suspicious enough when Gray and Gajeel didn't return with the promised pizza, dragging Elfman with them, over an hour ago. But then Wendy had taken it upon herself to escort a (love) sick Juvia back to Fairy Hills—as if a pint-sized preteen could protect a former member of Element 4.

Why had her guild mates insisted on a movie in her apartment if they weren't even going to watch it?

Curious, Lucy rose from the loveseat, resisting the urge to gag as the actors swapped spit, and stepped carefully over discarded bowls of popcorn and half-filled glasses. _Someone other than me better clean this mess up_, she thought darkly.

The blonde rapped on the bathroom door twice. "Levy? You okay in there?" No answer.

Putting her ear to the door, Lucy could have sworn she heard the shower going. However, with the terrified screams now coming from the movie, she couldn't be sure. She knocked again, searching for the spare key on the door's lintel, except it wasn't there. How ironic that a mage who relied on keys could lose a regular old door key.

"Natsu!" the celestial spirit mage whined. "Have you seen my bathroom key?"

"Nope. Do ya need to go?" he taunted, eyes riveted to the screen. Blood and gore splattered as the zombies attacked the innocent movie extras—who obviously hadn't been paid enough if their fake screams of terror were more pathetic than horrifying.

"No, I'm worried. Levy's been in there for over half an hour and I think my shower's running…" She trailed off, pressing her ear to the door again.

"Your shower's going for a run?" he teased, getting off the couch.

"Stop being literal and open the door, Natsu!" The fire mage rammed his shoulder against the wood paneling. The top hinge popped from the door jamb. Thanks to the remaining hinges, the door was barely intact.

"I didn't mean you should break the door down!" Lucy exclaimed. "Don't you have some kind of lock pick set? The same one you use to open my window practically every day?"

"I did, but I stopped carrying it with me after you stopped locking your bedroom window."

Lucy realized arguing with Natsu—over the fact that he didn't keep his tools of law-breaking on his person at all times—was pointless as she looked inside her now open bathroom.

It was empty. The shower was indeed running, but there was no sign of Levy. Instead there was a message on the mirror written in bright fuchsia lipstick:

_Sorry Lu-chan. Gajeel found your manuscript.  
Took it before I could stop him.  
Don't worry. I'll get it back.  
Find hiding spot other than tile below showerhead.  
-Levy_

"I can't believe this," Lucy muttered.

"That Gajeel stole your half-written erotic novel?" Natsu asked.

"No, I can't believe she used my favorite lipstick. It was couture!" She paused. "How did you know what my manuscript was about?"

Natsu rubbed the back of his head. "Levy's right. You really should find a better hiding spot than that shower tile."

"Natsu…" she growled.

"I must report this failure to Mirajane," Erza interrupted, coming from the kitchen.

Lucy stopped mid-growl to blink at her red-headed teammate. "What failure?"

"I was polishing my armor when it dropped itself on the chocolate cake you made."

Brown eyes squinted in confusion. She wasn't even going to ask how Erza's armor could drop itself, considering that Erza refused to admit even the slightest weakness. Instead, she said, "I didn't make any cake."

Erza stared at the blonde, horrified. "The cake is a lie?"

"What cake?" Lucy cried exasperatedly.

"Aww man, the movie's over." Natsu pouted as he jabbed buttons on the projector hoping to rewind the ending scenes.

"That's it!" Lucy yelled. "Everybody out!" Then she remembered Cana passed out on her feather-down mattress. The blonde knew from past experience that she wouldn't be able to budge her drunken friend. Feeling the impending headache, Lucy muttered, "I'll be at the guild if anyone needs me." She paused at the front door. "No one better need me."

Natsu stared after his blonde teammate, confused by what just happened and upset that the smoking projector couldn't withstand his prodding and un-technical ministration. "I wanted to find out if the zombies ate everyone's brains."

The requip mage sniffled. "I can't believe the cake was a lie."

—oOo—

"It was a failure, Mirajane. I couldn't protect the cake," the sword woman pouted. "And the cake wasn't even there."

"Would you forget the da—stupid cake already?" Gajeel asked irritated.

"I thought the movie was a good idea," Levy piped in. "A little bit of action for Natsu-san, some romance for Lu-chan…"

"And enough psychological terror for Lucy to hold tightly to her 'warm, passionate lover'?" Cana mocked, quoting Levy from their last meeting. "I think it worked out better for you," she smirked.

"I think we should change the name of our group to 'Get-Gajeel-and-Levy-Alone-So-They-Can-Get-Some'," Gray snickered, sparing a glance at the iron dragon slayer.

"I wouldn't say anything if I were you, stripper boy," Gajeel ridiculed, ignoring the small "eep" from the ice mage who had just noticed his pants were missing—again.

"Gray-sama! Juvia found them!" Juvia cried happily, waving her beloved's discarded pants and jacket.

"What happened?" Wendy whispered to Lisanna, who began to share an epic tale of thievery, a gallant rescue attempt, ending with a heavily edited, PG-rated make-out session.

Another fight broke out (Gajeel and Levy versus Gray and Cana) when Elfman said, "Mira-nee, we have company."

The closet door opened, revealing a bemused Laxus. "What is this? A therapy session for the romantically challenged?"

"Might as well be," the iron dragon slayer groused. "Too bad Salamander and Bunny Girl didn't get the fu—freaking memo." He cringed at Levy's upraised hand.

The lightening mage blinked. "Aren't they already dating?" Everyone else stopped, dumbfounded while Mirajane opened and closed her mouth like one of Happy's beloved fish.

"Great," Gajeel exclaimed grabbing Levy. "Then we're done here."

The barmaid waved her arms sporadically. "B-but," she sputtered. "They're the 'dense duo'. How do you know they're dating?"

"He told me," Laxus shrugged, jerking a thumb back to a gleeful Happy hovering behind his shoulder.

"Charle!" The blue Exceed flew excitedly to the love-of-his-life, holding a fish in his paws. "I caught this with Natsu just now. It's extra yummy because I thought of you when I reeled it in."

"Is it true?" Levy interjected. "Natsu-san and Lu-chan are dating?"

Happy turned unblinking eyes toward the script mage. "They did that last week."

"WHAT?" several voices chorused. The water mage promptly woke up and proceeded to do a jig as her love rival was no longer competing for her beloved Gray-sama.

"Aye," Happy went on. "Their mission was to date different historical artifacts. Natsu didn't like it, but Lucy needed rent money, so she dragged us with her." Everyone facefaulted.

"Not that kind of dating, you stupid cat!" Charle shrieked, momentarily shocked with herself that she felt sympathetic for the idiotic "super-elite team".

Happy cocked his head. "The yummy fruit kind?"

"NO!" most of the guild members echoed.

Erza looked thoughtful. "I wonder if dates would taste good as a cake topping…"

"I need a drink," Cana muttered, grabbing a convenient vodka bottle hidden by a purple and green sparkly feather boa.

—oOo—

"You will ride it," Erza glared dangerously, sword held steady in front of Natsu's face. "And you will like it."

He gulped noisily before saluting, "Yes ma'am!"

Lucy shook her head, but couldn't help smiling. Trust Erza to want to ride on the carousel. Looking around the carnival, the celestial spirit mage tried to locate the rest of their group. Gajeel and Levy had gone to the haunted house, Cana was in a drinking competition with a fortune teller, and Juvia had dragged Gray to the house of mirrors. But the three Strauss siblings were nowhere to be found, along with the sky dragon slayer and her Exceed companion.

As the line moved forward, Erza prattled on about different cake toppings and how dates made a very tasty topping. Natsu looked a little green as he stared at the spinning contraption of death. At least, that was how he saw it—especially since Wendy had disappeared before she could cast troia on the fire dragon slayer. Lucy noticed her friend's discomfort, and patted his shoulder sympathetically. Her brown eyes softened at the frightened look in her friend's black eyes.

All too soon, it was the trio's turn to board the merry-go-round—which was anything but merry in Natsu's opinion. Erza immediately located the horse with the most sparkles and strawberries painted on it. Lucy steered Natsu towards one of the stationary benches on the carousel. If Erza was going to insist that they ride on this, the blonde wouldn't add to her friend's anxiety. Out of the corner of her eye, Lucy could see the red-headed woman giving a nod of approval in their direction.

Natsu gripped Lucy's hand so tightly as the ride began to move that her hand grew numb. When he started to look a little green, the celestial spirit mage lost some of her sympathy. "Get sick on my new shoes, and I'll show you what a true whipping is." Thankfully, the dragon slayer was able to hold the contents of his stomach long enough until they reached a trash can at the conclusion of the ride.

They left the requip mage with her new favorite carousel horse—dubbed "Berry Strawberry" by the swordswoman. The duo decided to explore the carnival, giving Natsu the chance to recuperate. It was late afternoon when they arrived at the midway where they found Lisanna and Wendy cheering on Elfman's attempts to knock down a pyramid of glass bottles. A resounding crash was heard as the ball made contact with the lowest row of bottles, toppling them all to the ground. The bored attendant wordlessly handed the victor a stuffed bear, which the Strauss brother placed on a growing pile of plushies.

"What's Elfman doing with all those toys?" Lucy asked Wendy, noticing the pink stuffed cat she clutched in her arms.

"Elfman-san is saving most of the small prizes so he can get the top one," the sky dragon slayer said, indicating a delicate stone figurine of a fairy on the top shelf of prizes. "But he gave me this when he saw me looking at it," she added shyly, holding out the pink toy.

Lisanna giggled. "Elf-nii-chan has been playing this game for over an hour. He really wants that fairy statue, though I couldn't tell you why," she added with a wink.

Another tinkling of breaking bottles made the three girls realize Salamander had joined the white haired man in his task.

"So what happened to Erza-san?" Wendy asked the celestial spirit mage.

Lucy smiled. "I imagine she's still on the carousel. No ride attendant who values his or her life will try to separate Erza from her Berry Strawberry. What about everyone else?"

"Mira-nee-san was with us until she claimed she needed to do some reconnaissance," Lisanna said. "I think by now Levy and Gajeel will have discovered their stalker."

"Happy is at a fish-eating contest," Wendy continued. "Don't tell Charle, but she's secretly cheering him on at the back of the audience."

Lisanna smiled. "As for Cana, we haven't seen her after she won the competition against the fake psychic hired by the carnival. He was predicting how it would rain pineapples, but Cana read from her tarot cards that it would rain whiskey."

"And wouldn't you know it," Gray appeared, snickering, "I happened to walk by with a big jug of whiskey that mysteriously landed on the guy."

"Gray-san," Wendy greeted, her smile disappearing as she noticed Gray's soaking wet clothes. "What happened to you?"

"Juvia's what happened," he said, shaking his head and causing drops of water to fly off in every direction. "I don't know what was up with that chick, but as soon as she saw Gajeel stumble behind Levy after getting off that cheesy Tunnel of Love ride, she managed to knock me out and drag me into the line." The ice mage ran a hand through his wet hair. "By the time I woke up, I found the boat tipped over, and Juvia caught by the current in her water form."

"Gajeel in the Tunnel of Love?" Lucy asked. "How'd he get past his motion sickness?"

Gray shrugged. "Maybe he was distracted by his new favorite pastime of making out with your bookish friend."

"Oi, ice block! Betcha can't knock down this bottle pyramid," Natsu taunted, cutting into their conversation.

"Bring it, flame breath!" he answered while throwing a block of ice at the tower the attendant had just finished resetting.

"Oh yeah? Well, I can do it with my eyes closed!"

Deciding to leave the "men" to their game, Lucy went back to gossiping with Lisanna and Wendy. The takeover mage discussed a new technique she'd been learning, while the sky dragon slayer shared her latest session with the human-hating Porlyusica. The blonde complained about having to spend her hard-earned rent money on a new wardrobe.

"I swear that idiot has an affinity for destroying my new clothes," Lucy muttered, glaring at the back of the fire dragon slayer.

"Does this have anything to do with that dance party Mirajane organized a couple weeks ago?" Lisanna asked.

Wendy giggled. "Didn't Natsu-san spray you with his fire whiskey?"

"If that was an accident, then I'm a dumb blonde," Lucy scoffed, fingering her hair with a worried expression like it might actually be true.

"I don't think Natsu-san was happy about the looks the other guys were giving you," Wendy confided.

"So he purposely set my black sequin Heart Kreuz designer dress on fire? If he thinks I'm going to let him waltz through my bedroom window, he has another thing—"

"Surprise!" Natsu interrupted Lucy by shoving a large dragon plushie in her face. "Whatcha think Luce? I won it especially for you." His canines flashed as he smiled at her.

"T-thank you?" the blonde stammered. Unconsciously, she held the blue dragon close to hide the flush in her cheeks. Lisanna giggled mercilessly at the celestial spirit mage.

Natsu grinned at his teammate's obvious cover-up. "Hey, Wendy. Do y'think you could do me a favor?"

—oOo—

Lucy was surprised when Natsu hauled her to the Ferris wheel. She gave an involuntary squeak as he all but shoved her into an empty gondola. They sat in silence as the ride moved, allowing the next patrons to board. The blonde squirmed as Natsu's black eyes bored into her own chocolate orbs.

Trying to distract herself, Lucy decided to break the silence. "Why has everyone been acting so strange these last few months? First that picnic, then the spaghetti dinner, the beach party, the pie eating contest, that horrific movie night, the fishing trip, the dance party, this carnival…"

"They're set-up dates."

The blonde stared at the fire dragon slayer, an eyebrow arched as she asked, "How do you know that?"

"Well, isn't it obvious?" He grinned. "Mirajane has been dropping hints for months. Erza has been less threatening lately. Gray doesn't start nearly as many fights with me as he used to, and Wendy stares at us as though she's waiting for us to spontaneously combust." Natsu shrugged. "Plus I heard them talking about us in some closet a few months back. They must have thought they were being sneaky, but they underestimated my dragon hearing."

Lucy moved to sit next to the pink-haired mage so she could smack him upside the head. "You knew, and you just went along with it?"

"They were giving us the opportunity to be alone," Natsu defended. "I wasn't going to pass that up, you weirdo."

"I told you to stop calling me that when we started dating," Lucy muttered, embarrassed.

"But it suits you," he teased, tapping a finger on her nose. "Plus, it's cute how you blush when I call you weirdo." Her face turned pinker as he placed a warm kiss on her cheek.

"So that's why you gave me the dragon plush toy," Lucy mused, glancing at her new souvenir on the seat she'd just vacated. "And why you insisted on the Ferris wheel. You wanted an excuse for us to be alone? Like a date?"

"I wouldn't really call our missions very date-worthy," he winked.

She snuggled into his side, enjoying this sweet side of Natsu. "So, do you think we should tell Mirajane and the others?"

"That we're dating?" Natsu grinned, kissing the crown of her head. "Nah. I wanna see 'em squirm a bit longer."

—oOo—

In the kingdom of Fiore, there is a particular guild in the city of Magnolia, famous for its loyal mages, noisy guild mates, and even nosier nakama. And in this guild, there is a powerful fire dragon slayer and a compassionate celestial spirit contractor who became the best of friends and overcame the most difficult of missions together—such as evading the wrath of a certain Demon barmaid when she discovered they'd been a couple for over half a year.

* * *

Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail or its characters. Nor do I own the smattering of various song/movie/book references mentioned that may be recognized. Any attempt to sue me for copyright violation(s) will be made fun of by cyber friends and a parody song made about your egregiously large nose.


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